I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
