I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
