I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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