how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
