I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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