if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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