I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
