i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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