The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
