I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
