I wish I could teleport
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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