she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
