So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
