why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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