end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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