watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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