we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
