remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i will never coherently bang her
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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