actually, I'm a sock model
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
