I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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