I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
