He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
