Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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