The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize