I bet he comes in French.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
