dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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