Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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