i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
