just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
As shirtless as possible
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
