I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
