You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
