after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
