I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
