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Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
