just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
