She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I want to fling myself into the sun
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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