The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
