I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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