Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
