Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
