He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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