I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
