He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
