she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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