At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
