definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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