I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
