i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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