When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
is it fun? or sober?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
