Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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