Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
