You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize