Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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