Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Blood and glitter go together right?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
