i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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