Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
