every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
