I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
