I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
be right there i have to get my cape
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
