she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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