Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
