pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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