At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
