Tell her she can't have a vagina
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
