Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
