Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
