Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
