I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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