then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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