I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
