omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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