just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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